


At Dusk We Speak

by poisonedapple



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 21:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7071646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonedapple/pseuds/poisonedapple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vox Machina has brought out the best in some of their members, but the worst in others.</p><p>Keyleth talks with Grog about how she doesn't like who she is when she is with Vox Machina.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At Dusk We Speak

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during episode 44, before they go to sleep the day before they fight the dragons.

From dawn until dusk, Vox Machina planned and readied their attack on Umbrasyl for the next day. When the sun began to sink away in the distance, Keyleth found herself sinking herself – to the ground and watching over Percy's finishing touches to the snare and the rest of Vox Machina. She meant to scrutinize the trap when she'd backed away from the field, trying to discern if the dragon would be able to see through their camouflage, but she found herself distracted by what was to come. After all, tomorrow could very well be the start of the fall of the Chroma Conclave… or it could the end of Vox Machina, full stop.

There was plenty to think of.

So she watched the rest of her friends turn away one by one, probably to ready for the feast. Keyleth knew she should join them soon – they'd need both her and Pike to make enough for both Vox Machina and to share with as much of the herd as they could.

It wasn't that Keyleth had not noticed Grog's approach. Even if not for his size, Grog's ability to stealth was not great. Still, she felt surprised that when Grog reached her spot in the grass and he settled in beside her with a thud.

“They took my head,” Grog said with a disgruntled frown. “Needed it for… something with the dragon.”

“Yeah,” Keyleth replied, uncertain why he'd approached her to tell her this. “I'd heard, when I dug out the tunnels. It's… very good that you did that. I know having Kevdak's head means a lot to you, but we need everything we can to fight the dragon tomorrow.”

Grog grunted, clearly still displeased, but he didn't seem like he had accomplished what he'd been after when he'd decided to come after her at the side of the field.

The grass beneath her itched at her knees and she shifted, blanketing her thick skirt to shield her legs from grass as well as the chill.

“So, y'know the knuckles and axe from Kevdak – I've tried them out and they haven't talked to me. Even had Pike look at them for me. An' she says they're good.”

“Oh, well – that's great Grog.” And it was great. Keyleth hadn't exactly been worried about the possibility of Kevdak's weapons also being possessed, but it was clear that Grog had been so perhaps Keyleth ought to have been as well. Grog didn't seem too satisfied with her answer, so she gave him a tentative thumbs up and weak smile.

“Right. It was just. Sort of embarrassing, but it was for the better I guess. Tossing Craven away, I mean,” Grog said. He seemed strangely serious for a Grog outside of battle. “Anyway, I'm just sayin' if Fassbender… talked to you, then -”

“What?” Keyleth said, incredulous. “No – I've already taken the circlet off. I've got my own circlet back on see – Vax's got Fassbender's circlet now.”

“Oh,” said Grog, brow furrowing as he looked at her circlet. “Well, I can never tell the difference with all the fancy, delicate stuff like… circle-lets.”

“That's fine, Grog,” said Keyleth, laughing a bit. “No, Fassbender wouldn't even speak when I was controlling him, much less in my mind. That isn't an issue.”

“...Well if you're sure. 'But if you aren't, we don't have to tell the rest and it could just be you, me, an' Pike. An' it doesn't hurt a bit, except the part where you really don't want to. But then after it's like… That fucking sword ate my soul! Er, circle-let I mean.”

Keyleth can't help but look at Grog fondly. Even if their values are the most contradicting the group, she loves him much as she loves the rest of the members of Vox Machina.

Grog cocked his head, looking down on her for a pensive moment as Keyleth turned her head back to the field. Her and Grog were the only two left and she knew they would be missed quite soon when she didn't show up to make the feast with Pike. Keyleth kept where she was, almost losing herself back in thought and forgetting about Grog's presence when he interrupted her thoughts again.

“If it's Vax, y'know. Walking away. I wouldn't be offended because, like? He's doing it to everyone. Just walking off. Makes it really hard for me to try an' prank him back.”

“Huh?” Keyleth turned back to Grog. “I know that. It's just his way. Besides, he and I had a nice chat today.” In fact, Keyleth had even gotten to do most of the talking. If Keyleth thought about it though, she wasn't quite certain why Vax had approached her in the first place. She shrugged it off. Oh well.

“Oh,” Grog said. He seemed competitive, scrubbing at his beard that he was so proud of. Then, as though realizing some thing he exclaimed a bit louder, “Oh!”

His voice lowering, Grog managed to lean in closer to her at the same time he seemed to shuffle away from her as though repelled through some unknown force. “It isn't… y'know… lady problems, is it? I could get Pike over here, if you needed her.”

Keyleth stares at him a long moment, not quite understanding what he was referencing. “Lady… problems?”

“Yeah! Pike taught me all about it, like with the,” Grog did a series of hand motions, “and the,” his nose wrinkled as his hands gestured more rapidly. Keyleth stared at him a long moment, still not quite following. “An' Pike taught me how to bring her a water bottle an' tea an' little cakes, to help with the, er, lady problems.”

Keyleth's face warmed when she caught on.

“No! No, no, no no no. no.” Her hands flapped a bit, trying to stress how not a problem that was. “That's – no. I'm fine Grog.”

Grog didn't seem convinced, still staring at her with a drawn frown. For whatever reason, Grog seemed concerned about her and as flustered as Keyleth was it was sweet that he cared.

“I'm just thinking is all,” she told him after a while, because he didn't seem about ready to stop asking and she did not want to hear what came after “lady problems” in his mental list of things that she might be having a problem with.

“Oh… I don't have much experience wit' that,” Grog said after a moment and Keyleth breathed a soft laugh.

“I think you think much more than you think you do, Grog. You've come up with plenty of clever strategies, after all. And your speech to your old herd was quite inspired, like you'd been planning what to say for a long time.”

His face screwed up. “I dun'no what that means, but I'll take your word for it then.” Keyleth shook her head, still chuckling to herself, and placed a gentle hand on his arm as he kept talking. “So, what were you um, thinkin' about?” His fingers made quotations when he said 'thinking.' “Must'a been something serious, because your head was all...” Grog's hands pointed at his forehead while he furrowed his brow for emphasis.

“Just tomorrow, fighting Umbrasyl,” Keyleth told him. The thought that they really should be catching up with the rest of their party now – the sun had set and the sky was darkening rapidly rose to the forefront of her mind again. After a long moment she confessed, “And what comes after.”

“After we kill Umbrasyl, y'mean?” Grog asked, “We'll kill all the rest of dragons, won't we? An' get all the other vest… vestibles? Vege...tables? Of…,”

“Vestiges of Divergence,” Keyleth corrected him easily. “And yes… But I was thinking of after the Chroma Conclave falls and we can take both the keep and Emon back, about what I'll do after.”

“With your Aremente, y'mean?”

Keyleth couldn't stop her grin at the fact that Grog had pronounced it nearly right. “Well, yes.” She pulls at some of the grass a bit, still dry and dormant from the winter chill. “I was planning to leave Vox Machina, the day the Chroma Conclave took Emon… or at least considering it.” She doesn't know why she admits that, to Grog of all people – she hadn't even told Vax, when he'd visited her in her room after she'd burned his hand into his back. Of course, who else could Keyleth talk to about it, about the fact that she very nearly missed being there when the dragons attacked?

Vax was Vax and was so hard to talk with, especially when he took off at the most inopportune moments – not to mention she'd hate to disappoint him as he seemed to think there was something worthwhile in her. Vex was particularly hard to talk with lately, sensitive and waspish if anything threatened her brother and she seemed to think Keyleth was one. Her and Percy didn't talk so much anymore, as their ideals lined up less and less. Then there was always the tension with Pike and Keyleth's outlook on the deities… And of course Scanlan always seemed to laugh at everything and she never quite understood whether or not he was laughing with or at her, which often unsettled her. Tiberius wasn't there anymore – he might not even be alive after the attack on Draconia, but she shook the thought from her head. Who else was there, but Grog who was sitting beside her now, asking?

The information seemed to puzzle Grog. “Well, I guess it's good you didn't – we'd've never gotten 'way if you hadn't done your, spell with the, um, tree.”

“Yeah, it is good,” Keyleth said, the words coming out bitter with her own guilt. “You could all be dead.”

Grog didn't seem as bothered as he should be by that thought.

“Why were you plannin' on leaving then?”

Keyleth sighed from her nose as she considered. There were lots of reasons, but this was Grog, part of Vox Machina and therefore as good as her own brother, and she wanted Grog to understand what she was thinking, at least some of it.

“I had this idea, of who I'd become on my AraMente – of how strong and independent and self-assured and, and… good at being… good, I would be,” Keyleth tells him.

“...Right,” Grog says, clearly not understanding. Of course how could he when even she didn't know what she was trying to say?

“Except I find myself drifting further and further away from who I want to be… who I need to be, for my people and my future. I need to be strong for that, but I find myself growing weaker...”

Grog frowned deeply. “But Keyleth, you're strong, right? You did that thing with fire an' killed, like a bunch of people an' it was great.”

“…I mean weak of mind… I find myself doing things that I don't agree with for the good of group, compromising my integrity and all that I believe in, on everything that is and should be important to me. And I'm just… I don't know if I can continue to be with both Vox Machina and continue with my AraMente in good faith.”

“So y'mean, like… when you're doing that annoying thing, right, where you nag about somethin' or other 'bout what the right thing to do is? That's you are...”

Keyleth winced when he referred to her as annoying. “Yes, exactly Grog,” she said lowly. “When I'm being annoying. That's what I mean – except I haven't fought as hard as I should, for a lot of things. Even if it annoys you guys I should be… More annoying, I guess is what it means to you.”

“'ey, hang on – I mean, right. It's annoying, when you do that thing and try and argue to make us do the right thing. But it's like when Vex tells me I stink and nags at me to wash up. It's annoying, especially when she makes me bathe with Trinket, but afterward my balls don't itch so much so it's probably good she made me do it.”

Keyleth stared at him a long moment. “So you're saying I make your...” She could not bring herself to say it, her cheeks flushed at the thought, “ _itch_ less?”

“Yes?” Grog said uncertainly, then he amended, “No?” He frowned in deep concentration and Keyleth felt a bit bad, for making him think so hard. “It's funny, 'cause I've been thinking that being with guys has brought out the best in me, more than I ever even felt when it was just me and Pike. Cause I think I'm gettin' it – a bit, 'bout what you mean when you wan'na do the right, good thing… An' a lot of that from being with you all, with Vox Machina, but mostly because of you, annoying an' all that. For what it's worth.”

It is worth a lot to Keyleth. And she had noticed, how much Grog has changed – for the better. It touched her, to know that he felt she had any part in it.

“Thank you, Grog. But it's mostly you, making all those choices to try and save the town, even if you don't care so much for your old herd. That potential was in you, along. And you didn't really need me or Pike to have that potential inside of you. You're doing well.” She taps her fingers together sheepishly. “Me? Not so much…. I've never been the most… self-assured person, but I find that I like who I am less and less when I'm with Vox Machina… And sometimes I think the best choice for both me and Vox Machina is for us to part ways, once Thordak is dead at least. You all mean too much to me to leave before that but then...”

Afterward, they picked their way silently back to rejoin the rest of their group. Half-way to them Grog said, “Kinda makes me wanna keep fighting these dragons forever, but that's not right I don't think. So we'll just have to kill these dragons an' then… I dunno. Maybe that's it for Vox Machina.”

She doesn't answer.

Together, they walked the way back to the rest of their party and Vex scolded them for keeping them waiting. After she and Pike created two feasts for themselves and the Herd of Storms, Grog turns to her with a wink before crying out, “For Keyleth!” and pulling the chair out from underneath Vax, who only just catches himself from falling on his ass, but still falls to one knee with a scowl at Grog.

The laughter resounds from her belly, from her chest, to her very soul.

**Author's Note:**

> Man idk, I'm all anxious for watching my first episode live. I'm not even sure I knew what I was going to write when I started... But do know this... I love friendship so much... Even between those that don't interact so much anymore. I'm like to the point where I wanna write a piece between every combination of characters... but then I'm like... that is so so many. 21 at the very least if I am mathing correctly and that is only if I do the core 7 Vox Machina members, no Tiberius or Trinket...
> 
> Anyway I struggled with tenses so much I swear to frick. I've been writing in present, just to get used to it, for a year now and apparently I no longer know how to write in past. It got to the point where I either had to just post this or I'd keep editing until I decided to never post it. So there you go.
> 
> Thank you for reading this mess. <3


End file.
